Mounds of fat.

I'm finally not sick anymore, just a little cough and drainage, so that's good. But then on the negative side, i missed so much shit in school. I have alot of things due, and i'm already underwater drowning.
Speaking of drowning-in my life right now, i feel as if i'm barely afloat. There's so much going on that i can't even keep up with the people and objects that matter the most. I've just missed so much that it feels that the only way to keep on track is to completely take myself out of social gatherings and just, focus on school. So here i sit, staring at a vast sea of books, paper, resumes, applications, and pencils and i feel myself going under, and i can't breathe. not at all. I'm in deep baby, with no way to get up.
Alors, i'm trying to become healthy in every sense of my life. So to start that, i suppose i should be more strict on myself, and only let what should be out-out and vice versa.

If you haven't noticed, theres just so many canvases to cover right now, that i can't even cover them in painting thoughts. I'm scattered brained, and this canvas is covered with awful colors and spatters of nothingness. Holy shit, my mind gets uglier everyday. So random, and dark and scattered. I could be talking about the sun and make it sound like someone died. Is that a talent-or a curse? How is it, that usually when someone become beautiful on the outside, they become grotesque on the inside? I wonder what i look like on the inside, because lets face it, i'm not that pretty on the outside. I have mounds of fat, and a plump red colored cheek. I'm overweight and getting more and more depressed because of it.
It really is funny how i am so against conforming-yet the media gets to me. Everyone is fucking skinny. skinny skinny bitches. I don't even enjoy sex anymore because i'm so fucking nasty. I really need to diet, or do something to gain confidence. I mean, i'm smart, creative, talented...and fat. It's just, whenever you add that word to anything it ruins it. What if my name was fat kara bo bara, do you know how many friend requests i would lose a day?


fuck, god help me be motivated to lose all this baggage.